Academy Awards
annual horrible presentation of prompts critic Tom Shales to observe, "The Oscar ceremony has been televised since the early '50s, but they still haven't gotten the bugs out"
Arrested Development
good news for fans of
Bachmann, Rep. Michele
Republican party chairman Michael Steele is told "You be da man!" by
Bolton, John
joke by about the nuclear destruction of Chicago delights attendees of the Conservative Political Action Conference
Broder, David
spouting of inane drivel by continues apace
Bunning, Sen. Jim
Justice Ginsburg is given nine months to live by
Bush, George W.
Senate will investigate actions of CIA during administration of
Cruise, Tom
encounter of with similarly-named ex-girlfriend causes visible flustering of
Griffin, Kathy
over two million dollars are paid to for memoir no straight man will buy
Grose, Dean
allegedly amusing e-mail depicting watermelons on White House lawn is sent by to fellow Orange County citizens, among them an unamused black woman
unawareness that the alleged affinity of African Americans for watermelon is one of the basic tenets of racial stereotyping is claimed by
why the okay, Dean, have it your way non-racist image of watermelons on the White House lawn is supposed to be funny goes unexplained by
Guantanamo
conditions at are reportedly worse since Obama took office as guards "get their kicks in" before the closing of
Helmsley, Leona
judge reduces bequeathment by to dogs of
Jindal, Gov. Bobby
channeling by of the voice of 30 Rock's Kenneth the NBC page
David Brooks is appalled by speech of
Fox News commentators are appalled by speech of
"volcano monitoring" program is idiotically mocked "Instead of monitoring volcanoes, what Congress should be monitoring is the eruption of spending in Washington, D.C." by
Washington Post is appalled by
Limbaugh, Rush
bafflement of at degree of animosity aimed at Bobby Jindal by conservatives
bafflement of at degree of animosity aimed at self by women
Louis CK
brilliant Conan O'Brien appearance of turns up in millions of in-boxes
McCain, Sen. John
resentment of that perks of the presidency will never be enjoyed by is not well-hidden by
Murdoch, Rupert
New York Post cartoon depicting Obama as a monkey riddled with bullets is apologized for by
Rev. Al Sharpton is huge surprise coming here, wait for it dissatisfied with apology of
New York University
filming of the pathetic end of the student occupation of the food court of
Obama, President Barack
apoplexy is induced in Tom DeLay by speech of
public does not share the obsession with bipartisanship of, and would really rather that campaign promises of be kept by, whether Republicans who created the current disasters like it or not
opponents of are so desperate that all they can do is cling, and cling, and cling, and cling, to crazed allegations of the non-American birth of
Pelosi, Rep. Nancy
determination of to demonstrate to America just how totally Obama is supported by
Obama's plan for withdrawal of troops from Iraq is complained about by
Philadelphia Inquirer and Daily News
bankruptcy protection is filed for by
Richter, Andy
good news for fans of
Ridge, Tom
due process for terror suspects is belatedly endorsed by
Rocky Mountain News
demise of
Rourke, Mickey
profanities-contained-in-a-televised-award-acceptance-speech record is set by
San Francisco Chronicle
threatened demise of
Sanders, John
firing of from job as Baltimore TV reporter for doctoring a video to make it seem like Fox News host John Gibson compared Attorney General Eric Holder to a monkey with a "bright blue scrotum"
schadenfreude
Wall Street Journal article evokes strong feelings of in non-fans of the Bush administration
Seacrest, Ryan
Slumdog Millionaire kids are interviewed by
Seinfeld, Jerry
discovery by that "the comedic potential" of marriage "is quite rich"
The Simpsons
good news for fans of
Smith, Liz
current state of gossip is bemoaned by
Socks
passing of
soft toilet paper
cost to the environment of
Tropicana
classic old orange juice packaging that was just weeks ago replaced for no good reason whatsoever with laughably inferior generic design is hurriedly brought back by
Williamson, Bishop Richard
apology for saying there were no gas chambers in Nazi concentration camps though not for believing it is finally offered by